There is a chemical drive that keeps us repeating behavior patterns over and over. It is every much an addiction, as powerful as heroin. We are each stuck in our own personality “hamster wheels”, not necessarily because we are enjoying the way they spin, but because we can’t seem to step off gracefully and stay off. Something else eventually happens to catch us, and we find ourselves spinning once more, not by conscious choice, but by habit.
These habits of personality are brought on by physical need; they are dictated by our addictions. Your body craves the chemical fix that a specific reaction gives you. For me, it is “sad”. It could be “low self esteem”, “lonely”, “weak”, “angry” or “powerless”. The chemical cocktail works, regardless of specifics.
This is how you have habitually reacted to life. The hypothalamus is the organ that uses these chemicals to go on. This is how you have become “wired”. This is not you – not who you are. It is the current version of your personality, your ego-self. Your ego is the voice of your addictions.
In my case, the chemical drive is so compelling as to render all options other than “sad”, inaccessible. It is not that other options don’t exist, they do, but I literally don’t see them when I am in the midst of a “sad” fix. “Sad” works every time, I know that it will give me the fix I so desperately want. I recognize it as a validation of who I am, it feels familiar and as the “sad” drug emotionally courses through my entire body, I sort of relax.
What I have come to understand is that the validation of me does not have to come from that feeling of familiarity I get when overcome with “sad”. It is just that I have so many cells looking for “sad” and so few looking for or expecting “happy”. With that realization I experience empowerment. I can decide to choose again.
This life as human was chosen in order to experience a very physical existence that thrives on very addictive chemicals in order to sustain the body. Your body is looking for a fix. You, who want to be here, co-operate and create the scenarios that support the necessary addiction in order to keep you here in a very real sense.
Without a need in this physical world you would cease to be. This would be a complete absence of attachment to the body. Yet you are here now, with a purpose. There is a reason why you are here, and you want to stay, feel you need to stay and intend to stay. You are here to evolve and evolution is very much linked to this concept of linear time.
In order to evolve, you must come from somewhere and head somewhere else.
The oak tree has all its necessary component parts as a seed – yet it has not yet realized itself as a magnificent oak. As a seed, it is tiny and unassuming. With time and the proper conditions it grows into a huge oak, realizing its full potential. This happens here, on the physical plane, on this earth.
You understand time because it is a core principle of this earth, in this third “dimension”. We are told that time is the “fourth dimension” and no longer exists beyond that.
So, if the “evolution” of you takes “time” and experience, and you move your focus into a “dimension” that does not recognize “time” (5th and beyond), by definition you will know yourself as an evolved being.
You do not now know yourself as an evolved being because you have not moved beyond the concept of “time”. It is not that you are not an evolved being, in the same way the oak seed is not the same “stuff” as the oak tree. It is that, here, in this “dimension” which depends on linear time, you have not yet gotten there.
You are an evolved being. Once you understand that, as such, you exist in a body that requires certain chemicals to function, and that you are creating those chemical combinations with your addictions, you will have more command over which chemicals serve you here.
There is no good or bad, there is only choice. Waking up is a process of consciously choosing your addictions rather than being unaware and feeling powerless. It takes tenacity and determination and love to awaken. These are all traits of an evolved being such as you. Love and unimaginable power exist at your deepest core. This is the truth of you.
You are the one you are waiting for.