Why do i hold myself back?
“Still searching for self-expression. Still holding myself back. Am wondering why? What is the "spring-board"? How do I launch myself?”
Great question. We've all heard the “pat” answer of “follow your bliss”... In practical terms, that can be terrifying if you don't see that bliss linked to abundance in 3D. First decide who in your world/community/life right now supports your “self-expression”? Who backs you up and listens to your heart without offering opposition?
Once I was told, “find someone who will push on your rock”. Let's say you are standing in a corner, behind a huge boulder. You'd like to get it to the opposite corner of a very large room as quickly, painlessly and joyfully as possible. You imagine yourself doing it with grace and beauty, with surplus energy and passion. You look around the room and you see the most direct path is blocked with obstacles and people. You clearly cannot do this alone.
Here is where your rock pusher shows up. This person is a connection for you and someone who naturally and seamlessly pushes your rock. This person (or people) knows what you need to succeed. Now you need to listen and allow.
We weren't meant to find all the answers alone; we are here to recognize them when they show up! Sometimes, the “spring-board” is just having had enough of what doesn't feel genuine, doesn't feel like our purpose. It may be that you aren't done playing with the other roles in your life. As soon as you are, you will put on a new outfit and enter this new scene.
I find that the hardest things to let go of are habits, whether or not they sustain my new vision of myself. Frustration can become addicting. The idea of “going for it” can also hold doubt, for what if you go for it and its not all you dreamed of? What could be holding you back is not fear of failure but fear of success. There is a quote by Marianne Williamson:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us...” It speaks to the recognition of truth. You've spent a very long time in doubt; that is another word for fear.
So, the launch pad could very well be this question, it could be the next billboard you read or sunset you watch. It could be a random comment you hear on the radio. As long as you hold the belief that there IS a moment when you will believe in yourself enough to launch, there will be. The trick is to hold it in your mind as a present tense moment, not something that is “out there”. You asked “when”? The timing is in your own heart and mind, for every moment, all that we really have, is NOW. Move towards it in whatever small way you are inspired to, but move no matter what. Even a tortoise reaches his destination, usually a with a whole lot more wisdom once he gets there than the hare. Below is a great video by Bashar: http://youtu.be/5TPOijYMuUo .
I am reminded of the navigation system in my car. If, on the way to my destination, I stop for something, she starts saying “Make a U turn, if possible!” She is clear on her destination. This is the clarity you will require, and then everything you do will be “self-expression”! It will be all that you demonstrate, and the only place you are headed.
what if fear stopped?
“Recently, I've been paying more attention to my dreams at night. I've noticed lately that if during my peaceful happy dream, somehow, a fear thought comes to mind about how something might happen, then that something does invariably happen in my dream, reminding me that I'm the cause. Fear blocked out my otherwise happy dream. I can't help but make that connection to our "real" world, which is really a dream too.
Not sure if this is a question or just a comment, but if it's only possible that fear could suddenly stop for all of us, the Love (my happy dream) can shine through again.”
Thank you. This is such a nice illustration of creation. Fear is at the base of every perceived “negative” moment, and the fact that you see it in your sleeping dreams means that you are connecting the dots to your waking dream life. So, so cool.
You cannot love without condition if there is fear at any level. You said, “Fear blocked out my otherwise happy dream.” You have, in one sentence, described why we are (or can be) miserable. It is fear.
Stopping fear requires diligence and understanding. We are eternal bits of love and as such, indestructible. If we could remember that, then, as you’ve said again, “the Love (my happy dream) can shine through again.”
It truly is all love, all a happy dream. Before arriving we know this and can’t wait to get here! It is fear that changes things, belief that the temporary is out of control and potentially hurtful. Hurt only happens with permission. A sovereign being does not give permission to be hurt. A sovereign being is fearless.
Fear goes by many names – jealousy, pain, anxiety, anger, irritation, annoyance, and arrogance… each a different expression of what is not love. To have these feelings is human. To understand they are momentary, and then move beyond them to peace, is freedom. Freedom is another word for unconditional love. It sounds as if you have found the key.
How will i find love?
"I don't feel I'll ever find love and will be alone for the rest of my life....how can I change this?"
This is voiced in different ways and times by many of us. I believe the answer is found in the way the question is stated. We create our life. Every aspect of it is influenced and brought forth by our feelings, which, if felt often enough, become hard wired into our brain and turn into thoughts, which if thought about frequently enough, feel like "truths", and thus seem impossible to change. It is chemistry and the process needn't be fully understood to change it.
It will take an unshakable belief to head off this process of creating "alone for the rest of my life". It will take falling in love with yourself without condition. It will take a new feeling, one of "I will find love", thought often enough until it becomes a belief. She or he could be anywhere! Don't go out unless you are dressed to meet the love of your life! Look everyone in the eyes, that is where we meet at the soul level. Do not hide your light or your love. How will she or he find you if you are hiding?
Our words are powerful and as we speak and write of our pain, it only continues. Speak, write and watch only what brings you to a place of "I feel lovable". The rest of us will notice and agree!
If you are looking for more specifics, there is this great book by Joe Dispenza called "Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself"; it is filled with tools to use to create the life you want.
You are perfect, right now. Feel it, believe it and you will see lots of things change. This is where we find love. In our very own hearts.
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