Why do i hold myself back?
“Still searching for self-expression. Still holding myself back. Am wondering why? What is the "spring-board"? How do I launch myself?”
Great question. We've all heard the “pat” answer of “follow your bliss”... In practical terms, that can be terrifying if you don't see that bliss linked to abundance in 3D. First decide who in your world/community/life right now supports your “self-expression”? Who backs you up and listens to your heart without offering opposition?
Once I was told, “find someone who will push on your rock”. Let's say you are standing in a corner, behind a huge boulder. You'd like to get it to the opposite corner of a very large room as quickly, painlessly and joyfully as possible. You imagine yourself doing it with grace and beauty, with surplus energy and passion. You look around the room and you see the most direct path is blocked with obstacles and people. You clearly cannot do this alone.
Here is where your rock pusher shows up. This person is a connection for you and someone who naturally and seamlessly pushes your rock. This person (or people) knows what you need to succeed. Now you need to listen and allow.
We weren't meant to find all the answers alone; we are here to recognize them when they show up! Sometimes, the “spring-board” is just having had enough of what doesn't feel genuine, doesn't feel like our purpose. It may be that you aren't done playing with the other roles in your life. As soon as you are, you will put on a new outfit and enter this new scene.
I find that the hardest things to let go of are habits, whether or not they sustain my new vision of myself. Frustration can become addicting. The idea of “going for it” can also hold doubt, for what if you go for it and its not all you dreamed of? What could be holding you back is not fear of failure but fear of success. There is a quote by Marianne Williamson:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us...” It speaks to the recognition of truth. You've spent a very long time in doubt; that is another word for fear.
So, the launch pad could very well be this question, it could be the next billboard you read or sunset you watch. It could be a random comment you hear on the radio. As long as you hold the belief that there IS a moment when you will believe in yourself enough to launch, there will be. The trick is to hold it in your mind as a present tense moment, not something that is “out there”. You asked “when”? The timing is in your own heart and mind, for every moment, all that we really have, is NOW. Move towards it in whatever small way you are inspired to, but move no matter what. Even a tortoise reaches his destination, usually a with a whole lot more wisdom once he gets there than the hare. Below is a great video by Bashar: http://youtu.be/5TPOijYMuUo .
I am reminded of the navigation system in my car. If, on the way to my destination, I stop for something, she starts saying “Make a U turn, if possible!” She is clear on her destination. This is the clarity you will require, and then everything you do will be “self-expression”! It will be all that you demonstrate, and the only place you are headed.
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