why is it so hard to remove the ego?
“Why is it so hard to remove the ego?”
Such a very powerful question. The ego is what keeps us here. It is the 3D version of our eternal essence, and thrives on addiction. It has to believe in the “reality” of life here, what some call an illusion or a dream, and in order to do so, must hang on fiercely to something dense and solid. This could be the body (and what feeds it, starves it, strengthens it or weakens it), the slings and arrows of emotional wounding, the hardship of work or the poverty of perceived lack. Each is a fabrication, existing only in the realm of the ego, yet oh so real as we make a life here on earth in 3D.
The ego has a purpose and it will not be thwarted. It will go to any lengths to keep you believing in its solidity and reality. Any lengths, including suicide. Not to sound morbid but most of us know of at least one other, even remotely, who has taken their physical life. The reason? Pain of some sort, self defined and experienced.
If we were to let go of the illusion of the belief in an ego, both positive or negative, we'd lose our attachment to the earth itself, and disappear. For an interesting conversation about this read Gary Renard's book “The Disappearance of the Universe”.
The ego has gotten a bad rap. It is neither good nor bad, but necessary. In order to function as a physical being we have to “believe” in something, require it and desire it. We have to retain some sort of addiction. This could be to food, money, sex, power, laughter, pain, poverty, illness, sadness, joy – the choices are many. When you inquire about removing the ego, I imagine you are really asking “How can we stop reacting to life from our negative, self-defeating ego?” The answer is, you can't remove the ego, not if you want to stay here, but you can absorb it and morph it into someone you'd like to hang with.
Since you are here, I suspect you would like to stay. In order to manage negative egoic reactions, you can become aware of them whenever they occur, and instruct them, lovingly, to take a hike. Do not reject them, but absorb them with compassion into your ideal version of you (it helps to visualize her). Replace them with a response that serves your greater intent. This is the intent of your eternal essence. You do not exist separately from your ego, and cannot be human without your ego, so you must integrate with it and manage your ego.
This is so hard because the ego part of you is the solid part, and the part you identify with. Statements like “I always”, “I never”, “My favorite”, “I hate”, “I love” all come from the ego part, the part who has grown up and become the woman you are today. To reduce any negative effect and reactions from your ego will take repetition, vigilance and determination. It will not be easy, but can be accomplished with a clear intent. Your ego will be trying to convince you that you WANT to be miserable, lonely, angry or whatever. It will be telling you that you are entitled and it is your right to be mad. Lovingly quiet your ego, hold it close and watch as a different, happier version emerges.
Personally, I can tell you that the work involved is oh so worth it. Magic is at the other end of acceptance and love for every part of you, including your ego. I wish you only oneness.
“How can live a happy 3D life while ascending in other dimensions? “
First I'd like to talk about your life, in “3d” or any other “d”. The choice to be here in physicality was consciously made, by you. It was not a consolation prize to the place nobody wanted to go. You are currently living in a highly sought after place, earth – in 3d.
The reason it may not feel so “happy” may be due to your awareness of why you chose it, as well as your understanding about what makes someone happy. Happiness is a choice. At any moment, we can decide to find happiness in our situation. It is not the moments that bring happiness or sadness, it is your decision about them. Rain means a very different thing perhaps to a bride on her wedding day, and to a farmer, yet both are humans, living in 3d, experiencing the same weather.
I do not mean to be flip. I would like you to consider something about who you actually are. You are a master creator, and being here on earth is a gift you chose as well as one you were chosen for. It is a privilege to incarnate here! We are gifted, and earth, in 3d, is a unique place. It is filled with emotion and sensation, both which spark creation. Life here, in fact, is OUR collective creation. We made this, and continue to make it with each thought and every intent. It is our belief about a thing that makes it appear to be however it is. All is perception.
I think you may be referring to an idea that the “higher” dimensions are so filled with bliss and comfort and joy that to wait for them here is not enjoyable as contrast. I will tell you my understanding about all of that. Many of us believed in 2012 that “ascension” was waiting for us in December, complete with new lives, bodies and dimensions. That was a harvesting tool, intentionally planted so that our energy, when it did not occur, would be flowing and available as a feast for those beings who feast on our anxiety. It was not real.
You are not “waiting” for any other dimension, ascension, or any other more elevated state. You are a beacon of light, there are none more elevated than you. Own your brilliance. Understand that no other dimension offers the rich fabric of diverse and intense sensation, feeling, emotion and pleasure that earth does. You chose earth to experience it all – the pain, the pleasure, the heartache and the passion. You wanted to be here, and you got here!
Now that you are here, well, figuring out what to do with all this power and all this emotion is part of the ride. That is the fun of it. Just decide to enjoy the trip. That decision alone changes everything. You'll see. Happiness is found there.
It is you, here, right now, that you've been waiting for.
Where is the balance in intimacy?
“Where is the tipping point between doing what I love to do and giving in an intimate relationship? I find it difficult to pay attention to both without feeling conflicted.”
Your question is a perfect example of living in a polarized world. Even in our most intimate and close places, there is a sense of division. The pull of “what I love to do” and “giving in an intimate relationship” exists for you here because of an imbalance.
We've grown up with ideas of “what I must do for others” as a duty and “what I must do to take care of myself” as a right. It is a skewed version of relationships that pits one against the other and forces compromise. In a very general sense, no one is happy when part of a compromise, because there is a perceived loss.
Here's how I've come to believe it actually works. Perhaps after considering these words, you'll happen upon your own “tipping point”.
When thoughts and feelings about more and less enter into the negotiations of close personal relationships, they are not about how much you are giving or not giving to and getting or not getting from the perceived “other”. These thoughts are reflections of self care.
In order to love another authentically in this physical realm, we must first love ourselves. This is not semantics. This is unconditional acceptance. This is not something you've been taught or shown by example.
We have been raised as if on a desert, and our thirst has never been quenched. We've looked to our elders, our friends, our lovers, our children and even to our God to satisfy our thirst for love. They could not. Oh, they gave what they could share. However they would not deplete their own cup, as that would have been suicide.
Consequently, it has never been enough. You've learned to hoard whatever it is you regard as self-love and you resent any “other” whom you imagine wants to take it away from you. Hence, the imbalance.
We have not learned to quench our own thirst – no one could show us as their cups were also mostly empty. A balanced approach to life, love and any intimate relationship you share occurs when you enter them carrying two things:
You must learn to love yourself in real time. This, as opposed to any perceived “right”, debt, job or duty. The things we do for each other are not love, they are things/actions. The feeling we embody while doing them is what is experienced as love or lack by both parties. Relationships expand and recede because of these unspoken expressions of emotion. There is no hiding them from each other.
A full cup is the only answer. Allowing, accepting, forgiving and honoring who you are today demands strength and a refusal to observe anything but love. There is no partitioning love. You and the “other” in this relationship you speak of are in fact One. You've perhaps been filling each others cups back and forth, over and over; leaving you both thirsty and wanting.
The answer falls to you. The “giving” you do will be filling your own cup. When this happens, you'll only want to to fill it again and again. Then you'll understand. It was always about you.
What is a chak-dala?
Can you explain to me what a Chakdala is and what is it used for?”
I will try.
Here are some words that will help you:
A reflector or reflection to enable you to see your beauty& the Truth of you.
*CHAK-DALA definition: Chakra Mandalas encoded with universal wisdom
Chakra: चाक्र The name derives from the Sanskrit word for "wheel" or "turning”.
Mandala: मण्डल A symbol in a dream, representing the dreamer's search for completeness and self-unity.
a geometric figure representing the universe in Hindu and Buddhist symbolism.
The use of a Chak-DALA is both individually determined and felt. I can share what it has meant for me and how I have used it in my life.
My first came at a time when I was struggling with not only who I was in the world, but who I was in my most intimate relationships. Each was in a state of turmoil and I was in pain. When it came, I cried at the sight of it and drank it up. I put in on my phone and stared at it whenever I was able, going places in my heart when I did.
The second came many months later. I had come to some conclusions at that point, not only about my relationships, but about who I was in the world. The piece that was missing for me was abundance. I did not know or could not conceive of how to be abundant in both my giving and receiving on this green earth. The Chak-DALA brought me full circle and I got it. It is now the backdrop on my laptop and the home page image on the website: www.sophialove.org . It is sort of where I “live” now, and it replenishes me whenever I spend time there.
How did this happen? This is not something that can be described here or with any words. It must be felt. I encourage you to join the Chak-DALA quest, here:
Also, to inquire about obtaining your own Chak-DALA, here.
Much love and good fortune to you on your journey!
What is love?
“Please help me to understand what "love" is.
When I asked this question to the universe, the answer I got back was, "you are".
Is love a state of being? An emotion? A feeling? A quantum field of energy?”
Such a beautiful question, thank you.
Love can be described in all of the phrases you've used, but none of them is a definition of love. It is sort of like saying – “What are you?” You may answer, I am a woman, a sister, a teacher, an African-American, a Buddhist, a Democrat, a mother, a vegetarian, a runner, a dancer, an artist, and a human being. These are adjectives, but not definitions. You look like these things, it may be true. But what you are is so much more. Your essence is not quantifiable.
Love is like that. There is no such thing as more love or less love. Love is. I am not an expert on “a quantum field of energy” but I suspect it can be measured and contained. Maybe not, as Quantum Physics is only recently being considered legitimate and yet it seems to introduce more questions than it answers. This is good news, for in the questions we discover the unlimited nature of creation, as well love.
Love is immense power. It is the force of creation itself. When you step back far enough, it will be all that you see; a single answer to every question. Singularity. Oneness. Love is life itself and as such, a challenge to encapsulate with words. The adjectives you used within your question are attempts, yet each is too limiting; love is everything.
An answer starts to sound further and further from daily life, yet absolute truth is like that. If you consider the consciousness shift we are undertaking, it may help to put this answer in perspective. We are moving from polarity to unity; separation to oneness. A definition of love from the viewpoint of polarity will quantify it. Phrases like “I love you more than anyone else.” “You are the only one for me.” “I love my family/country/religion/nationality best.” “You complete me.”, all sound terribly romantic and emotional yet they are separatist and not sustainable. For every one of these declarations demand a denial of love; love of any other. We are not built for that, which explains the drama of the human condition.
Ultimately, we cannot deny what it is we are. If you have a cat, for example, you will not ever be able to teach it to sing like a bird, fetch like a dog, or stay off the kitchen table when you aren't looking. It is a cat. After some time, you will get that and not expect it to be anything but what it is.
Being human, you will not ever be able to stop loving. Everything. Period. That love may look like admiration, friendship, passion, assistance, fondness, caring, nurturing, interest, fascination, collaboration or a warm smile – yet it is an expression of your love all the same. Love cannot be contained within boundaries of any sort.
Boundaries, names and our desire to define things are all part of the human condition. They help us make sense of a world that is entirely self determined. Since we cannot deal with that as a daily occurrence, we say “Love looks like this”, “Life is this”, etc. The trouble shows up when something outside of the usual definition appears. Now what?
Now we reach for truth and a definition that encompasses everything love does and is. Truth can be found when considering love as an intelligent force running through all of creation. That may sound like your definition of “god” or “source” or “eternal essence”, and maybe those are other words for love. Love is not good or bad, alive or dead, human or animal, happy or sad – these are human parameters used to explain the way creation shows up here.
The reason your question is perfect for us right now is because it sort of summarizes our shift. As we gradually “get” oneness, we will get love. Borders and contracts and definitions that attempt to contain the force of creation itself have never worked. The internet is a tool we created to demonstrate in a physical 3D way, our connection and the unlimited reach of love and of us. Accept that we are one, and that yes, we are love, and you allow for a constant expression of love in every moment. Love is that big. It is beyond description, as are you.
I don't know if this helps or adds to the confusion, but I will be happy to discuss this further. It is my favorite subject! Enter the drawing this week for a group Skype session with myself and "Roy", this would be a great topic!
How do I get out of my own way?
“ So, how do I get out of my own way AND then stay out of the way????”
In 17 words you have summarized the angst of humanity. Thank you!
Once we wake up, well, we first of all notice that there is an “I” (ego) that is in the way. Next, we begin to see that he or she is relentless and not very helpful.
Sort of like a 3 year old that never grows up, or a puppy. Have you ever had a puppy that grew up? Actually, that answer would have to be “no” because when you sign up for raising a dog, you must understand right off the bat that the dog may advance in years, but basically will always hold the heart and exuberance of a puppy. You can “domesticate” an animal, but you can't alter its core. It is like that with our ego self. Our ego self is only interested in maintaining the status-quo. This equilibrium was set when you were very young, and you didn't know any better.
Lets try, in 17 ways, to “get out of our own way”, and stay there.
It is not easy, but it is oh so worth it.
How do I manage my self talk?
“Do you have any ideas on how to manage my self talk? I'm usually thinking it before I realize I'm doing it! How do I get it to shut up!
Peace in my head would be greatly appreciated!”
Hi and thanks for this really pertinent question. We all have voices in our head, that's one of the Hallmarks of being human. We are constantly talking to ourselves, figuring out what is going on around us. We are associative in our learning, and we are learning and creating all the time.
Each event or conversation or person or thing we witness, kicks off a chain reaction in our brains... we are attempting to “attach” it to something we know, and in that way, identify it, make it part of our “reality”. This is part of our process of identification.
The problem is, these early, associative memories, were formed when we were infants. Not very helpful now that you are an adult, and you know all about the boogey man, Santa Claus and “reality”. Reality is whatever you believe that it is. Your grown up brain is competing with a 3 year old's version; not real helpful.
Most of what is going on is fear and judgment. These ideas were formulated when you were figuring out the world. They are not truth, any more than the Tooth Fairy. Yet, while you are thinking them, they color your world in vivid shades.
So... how to get rid of them? There is good news and not so great news. First, the not so great news.
You can't. Not really. They are part of you; they formed the you sitting there right now and will not just disappear. The specific words can change, yes. But the voice in your head is your ticket to admission here. It is the voice of your ego.
The good news is, grown up you can put the words that are damaging in perspective. You can relegate them to a part of you that you aren't “doing” anymore. They were useful when you didn't know any better, not so much now.
The trick to all this is to notice them, before they have screwed up your moment. This will take practice and repetition and awareness of physical sensation.
Each of these voices is accompanied by a feeling. The feeling comes first, then the picture in your head and the words to explain what is happening. Catch it at the first sensation/feeling, and you can stop it cold.
So... here is a technique I've used with great success. When the feeling shows up, as soon as I am aware of it, I stop and visualize myself in the deep end of this pool of “not good”. I am usually a sorry state, and sitting someplace, sort of despondent. Nothing positive is being created at the time. Then, I visualize the powerful version of me, looking rather fantastic. She walks over to the despondent me and reaches down to hold her.
She looks her in the eyes and says: “I love you. We aren't doing this anymore.” Then, she hugs her until I am only aware of the powerful me. Despondent me has been absorbed.
The sensation you are looking to catch is usually one of heat, familiarity, anxiousness, worry, self judgment, self doubt, discomfort, disgust, self hate. It is never true that you are less than perfect. ANY thought that puts you in that category, is worth looking at, absorbing and moving through.
This “self talk” you'd like to shut up is merely a misinformed ego self, chattering about the world he or she is attempting to master. It is experimental. It no longer fits and can be silenced with acceptance, not anger. Each extreme negative part of your personality has a complimentary part that is equally extreme and powerfully effective. Look for that. It's there.
Patience with yourself is key. This will happen with love and persistence. Decide that feeling good is your only priority, and those voices will start to sing your praises, rather than insult you. Let them, encourage them and watch what happens!
Am I awake?
“I really liked the list of ways to know if your sovereign.
Can you tell us how to know if we are awake?
I do better with organizing my thoughts like that.
Love your work!”
Being awake and being conscious are the same thing, in my opinion. Once you wake up/become conscious, you'll never really be able to go back to sleep.
There is a moment in your journey when you'll realize the following:
I hope this helps. I wish you much love,
How do I know if i love myself?
“I do better with lists. Can you tell me the top 5 things that tell me if I'm loving myself with agape?
I'm a little fuzzy on what agape means for me.”
Well let's see... we are different in our personal expression of love so this might not be possible in the context of this page. There are books written explaining how each of us understands love. For some it is in the things we give and get, for others the words, still others the doing, etc...
Agape is unconditional love. It would be more beneficial perhaps to discuss what things (5 or more) you are doing that indicate you are NOT unconditionally loving yourself. We can start there.
We have been taught it is honorable, even saintly, to place all others before yourself. I tell you this is not true. The saints and greatest amongst us did not put everyone else before themselves, they placed themselves right where they belong, first. Then, with self confidence and authenticity, they moved out into the world with enough love and fortitude to give their gifts freely wherever they were called to do so. Their inner power was and is Agape.
Unconditional Self Love, or Agape, looks like that. It is quiet strength. It is pure light. It is where we all began and where we still are, if only we would remember.
I hope this answers your question.
What about your off world connection?
“I'm fascinated by the off world connection you seem to have. Can you tell me what you know about the off worlders? You know, the names (who you've talked too) your connection, have you had a spacecraft ride yet?”
Hello! What I know about the off worlders is pretty much what you have read on the website. If you have followed the story, it's been going on for 3 years now.
There were things that occurred “off line” before that conversation as well. They convinced me that we are not alone and that there are non human folks in our midst that look just like us. Their origin is different. Deciding to be aware of a different “signature” of being is all it takes to notice them when they show up. Trust that internal “spidey sense” you have and keep a record of contacts, even when you aren't 100% sure. You may be surprised at how quickly your journal gets filled!
I am not at liberty to share names here and no, no spacecraft ride as of today. There is always tomorrow!
©2011-2023 Sophia Love All Rights Reserved