when love hurts (or runs out)
This is a picture of what is posted on a billboard in front of a nearby church. I drive past it each morning on my way to work. What follows is an attempt at an answer.
Love doesn't (hurt). This pain is your own definition of love. In Persian, Greek and Sanskrit alone there are as many as 90 different words for love, each with its own definition. Any emotional “hurt” can be reduced to unmet expectations. Love has no expectations, qualifications or conditions. It is the physical expression of your core. You are made of love.
Love's purpose is not to make you happy or fill up your empty heart. You are here to take care of these things on your own. It's true, that some others of us bring these qualities out better or more-so than others of us; like babies, kittens, puppies and brand new lovers. It's not true that they bring the love to you – they merely show it to you, as in a reflection. You had the love all along, right there in your heart.
Here's the thing. No loved one, regardless of who they are, “makes you happy” or “hurts you”. You may not enjoy some of what this “other” is saying or doing and you aren't required to. It's your choice as to whether or not you continue to participate with them. You don't have to. If you choose to leave, be clear on your reasons for going. You may leave them behind, but your expectations will be securely packed.
This time we've begun is all about clarity. Who you are is sticking out all over the place. Hidden agendas are not only being exposed on a world stage. They are being played out in our most intimate relationships.
What you'll never know is your loved one's reasons for doing or saying anything. If your choice is to stay put, you'll want to do something to make the relationship comfortable. You cannot change anyone. What you can do is use the power of creation we've recently discovered.
Your thoughts, feelings and words are creative. Rather than reacting with them, intend with them. Any situation perceived as “hurtful” can be altered for you through positive intent.
As you approach your loved one; set an intention. Something like “I intend the highest, best and most loving interaction. I see us all leaving this place feeling honored, heard and complete. And so it is.” Use whatever words make sense. Be sure to leave out what you are hoping or wishing for and leave in what you know is authentic and pure.
You cannot make someone act in a specific way without manipulation. This is not game playing. This is love without judgment or alteration. Each person in the relationship is respected here. The most beneficial interaction is what you are creating now. The results may surprise you, and the element of “time” plays into when these results are apparent.
Hold on and keep intending. Allow and love and you'll see your intentions manifest in the most magical and unsuspecting ways. Through it all, love yourself without condition or hesitation. It is your reflection that will bounce back at you in every relationship.
You are the one you've been waiting for.
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