moving the mountain
It is the end of an era – much was learned, much was lost. The choice for change, for an end, for justice and for peace has already been made. This choice was made by everyone; this “everyone” includes every person inside the 7 billion of humanity. Movement is accomplished bit by bit – sudden movements are not possible. Change is inevitable and guaranteed. It feels slow. You are moving more than a mountain. You are altering an entire race.
This thing that is happening, this altering of life on earth, is occurring within the only “time frame” that it can. Depending on your location and perspective, you’ll consider this process to be too fast, too slow or appropriate. Yet it is happening, and evidence of the change is everywhere.
To move something this large takes time and planning. Imagine moving a 7 billion pound animal. First you’d have to understand where it was going. Then you’d make sure it would fit and create the appropriate home for it. After that there may be some effort put into explaining to the animal where it was headed and why. Each effort would bring it a little closer to being ready to go.
Once completed, the move itself, if it were to happen at the animals own pace and instigation, would have to happen relatively gradually so as not to disturb the life cycle too much. The goal would be seamless rather than shocking, to maintain the health and well being of the animal.
Some parts of the creature would get there sooner than other parts. Some sections may require special assistance; an animal of this size quite possibly has never moved from where it began. It has no innate facility to do so now. Learning will be necessary so that cooperation and willingness can support the effort.
All of this, although happening at the same time, may appear unrelated and disconnected. The sheer size of this animal means that parts of it are separated from other parts by great distances. These parts may even reside in different time zones. For something this large, movement is barely perceptible. “Time”, awareness and comparison are the tools used to measure change. Speed is relative and in this effort, a day, week or even a year may yield only slight differences.
What is important is the health and autonomy of the animal. The desired effect, at the culmination of this effort, is for it to feel a sense of accomplishment and understanding for what it has done.
If, on the other hand, you were able to forcibly pick up this 7 billion pound animal and drop it into a new “home”, the effect would be one of confusion, trauma, stress and loss. The suffering and pain that would result would cause irreparable damage to some parts and even possibly death.
The goal here is to assist this animal in moving to a new place all on its own. Nothing moves without consent and understanding. This is not an aggressive shove but a universal adjustment, orchestrated in beautiful synchronicity by every single cell of the animal. Progress is nearly invisible unless you step back a very great distance. Yet movement is felt everywhere, some of it painful, some of it joyful, all of it indicative of this massive shift that is happening.
We chose to move all 7 billion pounds by ourselves and we are doing so. With each individual change we slightly alter our position. One day we’ll look back and see just how far we’ve come. As long as we stay the course, our arrival is assured.
We are the ones we’ve been waiting for.
The myth of money
We’ve gotten to the end of this Quest and the beginning of the rest of your days. How you feel about yourself in them will, in no small way, determine how much love you experience as a tangible force.
There are places you’ll go that are brimming with love. You may meet someone and “fall” in love, have a child and for a time be immersed in the pure energy of newborn love or begin a project you are passionate about and find yourself swimming in the juices of creative love. Each of these situations is temporary. You’ll move through them and wake up one day on the other side, with only you to look forward to. Then what?
It’ll be important then to pull out all the stops you’ve typically put on self-love and allow it to continue to flow unrestricted. We talked about them this week, the dark stuff and the “when I am this” stuff. These reasons you carry in your head. The ones preventing Agape cannot reach your heart.
You can try to put them there, to tell yourself how unworthy you are or how (fill in the blank) you are, but your heart will have none of it. Your heart cannot lie and it cannot be fooled. The reason you feel so bad whenever you are judging either yourself or a feeling of love you have for another, is because there is a lie in what your head is telling you, and your heart knows it. Love can’t lie. It only knows how to love.
This week we pulled out all the ugly and loved anyway. If it didn’t feel good it’s because your head is still trying to run the show and tell your heart what to feel. It won’t work; you cannot change your heart. It only knows love.
Allow yourself to be loved. You’ve opened the door to Agape, now let it in. Stand there, warts and all, and demand full acceptance. This may feel like a radical act. It’s the only one you have left. The dirty laundry is hanging on the clothes line in full view. The neighbors have all seen it. Nothing is hidden. Keep standing.
What you will discover is parts of you which you’ve been unaware of. You see you can’t cover just the “bad” and “unacceptable” parts without also hiding the rest. You are full out now and available for complete emergence into your life. There is much more to you than you know. Let it come out.
As you feel safe, as the judgment leaves, there will be room left for love. You will start to feel okay not just momentarily, but in all of your moments. That okay feeling, if allowed to grow without inhibition, will one day turn into full out adoration.
This is the secret very young humans have. What’s pumping through their veins is only love. Their heads have not yet tried to convince them they are wrong. That joy and freedom in their play and the exuberance in their eyes is what lies beneath the cover of judgment and self loathing you carry. Today, leave the cover off and watch yourself rise. You are enough, and all that you “need” to “find” true love.
My son calls today “Singles Awareness Day”; a perfect day to complete our Quest. It’s not someone else you are looking for anyway. It’s you. There are no conditions that make you unlovable, no parts of you unworthy. The treasure revealed when you toss off self hatred is one you have never seen. It has been hidden so well, even you were blind to its brilliance.
Go ahead, take a peak. Imagine today is your last chance to win the Joy Prize for the rest of your days. Only one more thing to do and it’s all yours. It’s so close you can almost see it. All you have to do is let go. Whatever “reason” you have, and you know them all cold, must be left behind. The only thing capable of accepting Agape is already yours.
Your heart feels Agape. It’s been telling you for years. With every good feeling you’ve ever had about someone or something, no matter who or what, its beating self-love. None of this was ever wrong.
So leave your head out of it. It will try to convince you otherwise. There is nothing wrong with you and as you accept all your parts, the rest of you will join the party. You cannot partially love or put conditions on Agape. It’s either full acceptance or some degree of discomfort – you’ll have to choose.
Whether “single” or one part of a “couple”, you are alone in this. When all is said and done, it comes down to one thing. The self-acceptance you allow is equivalent to the love you feel, regardless of its “source”. It starts and ends with you. The rest of us? We are just some other fun parts, the ride is yours alone.
You are the one you’ve been waiting for. Thank you for sharing your journey with me. It’s been an honor.
PS If you are able, share some love today with my friend Lucas, who could use some help right now. Click here for more information or to donate, go directly to his blog. Thank you.
Letter for you on your first day here.
love Quest : Day 6 - perfect
You’re not supposed to be anyone else. You’re supposed to be you. You may have spent your time thus far thinking you were supposed to respond to and create life like your mother, father, sister, brother or favorite somebody. If so, it’s been an exercise in futility and frustration. Try hard as you might, you can’t be anyone but you. And that’s okay.
As a child I belonged to a 4-H club. We competed at the county level. Once, in a baking contest, my friend made the most beautiful cake. As we watched it rising in the oven, she realized she’d forgotten to add the eggs. She opened the oven door and shoved them in. It was a disaster from that point on. No ribbons went home with her that year.
You see, she had made a perfect eggless cake without ever being aware of her unique accomplishment. Determined to follow the recipe, the one everyone else followed, she had destroyed her one-of-a-kind creation.
You are a perfect you. There is no other. None have come before you and none will follow. The way you look at and contribute to every moment is necessary and unique. We would not, could not, be “us” if not for you.
Trust. Pat yourself on the back. Give yourself a hug. We need you strong and sure so we can feel good about being the same.
Start a new dialogue. When someone asks you how you are, refrain from the broke, tired and sick conversation. Words are real and creative. Say “I’m great!” until you believe it. Pretty soon you will.
This is not rehearsal. It’s show time. And you are the one you’ve been waiting for.
See you tomorrow.
Yes, you’ll have to lose something. This thing you’ve got a death grip on is yours alone. We can’t see or imagine it and you’ve never told a soul. So sure are you that it’s all you need to set things right, that you carry its image with you always.
It’s not a photograph. No, this is not a real life image. This is your IF image. IF I did this, IF I looked like this, IF I were this, IF I achieved this, IF I had this – then I’d love me. Then you’d love me. Then the world would love me. Enough.
Your IF image has been carefully crafted. It’s perfect down to the last detail. You’ve thought of everything. This way, you’ll know when you arrive. Oh, what a glorious day that’ll be!
You’ll pull out your IF image and compare it to the reflection in the mirror and smile, deeply satisfied. You’ll fall absolutely in love with yourself. No more questions, no hesitation, you are now worthy of love. And won’t the world come running to you then? You’ll be adored, accepted and undeniably ecstatic.
It doesn’t matter how long it takes you to reach your IF image – it’ll be worth the wait. You tell yourself this with each self criticism and dark thought. No worries – someday this will all be over. It’ll be perfect then, I’ll be perfect then.
Except that it won’t be, and you already are. It’s time to lose the excuse. This is life and you are creating it as you move along – that means each second holds the potential for brilliance or disaster. This never stops until you do.
You’ve been hanging onto a picture that’s not real; using it as an excuse to dislike yourself. Do you understand how this works? The self hatred that you feel will not change with more attention, money, fitness or success from the world outside. It’ll just be hidden more deeply.
Don’t stop desiring these things; desire fuels creation. Just stop loading up your manifestations with the weight of Agape. Agape is free and weightless and available today.
What you’ll have to give up is your IF image. It’ll be scary but it’s the only way. Love yourself anyway. Right now.
What you have to lose is the burden of self defined perfection. It doesn’t matter if you think your mother or your lover or your god will reject you once they discover the truth – it matters that you don’t reject you. Chances are good all of them suspect the truth anyway. All that you’ll be losing is the necessity to pretend. Let go of this ideal IF image. Love yourself right now.
A dear love of mine, Carmella, used to say “god doesn’t make junk” and “what you haven’t got, you don’t need”. She was right. Celebrate who you are today! There is nothing to lose worth saving, and a feast of Agape to be had.
You are the one you’ve been waiting for.
See you tomorrow.
Love quest : Day 4 - Afraid?
This journey is half over.
We are “just as far in as we’ll ever be out” (Anna Nalick – Breathe)
So, despite all opposing forces, if you are still reading this, there’s been at least a nod towards self love. That’s fantastic and life altering. Let’s keep going.
What stops you? For each of us, regardless of what it looks like or sounds like, it’ll boil down to FEAR. Look closely and you’ll see. A fearless being stops only when the goal has been reached.
There are so many reasons to be afraid. But loving yourself? That’s easy. It isn’t happening because of three letters. N O and T. If you are not absolutely enthralled with your fingers, toes, belly button and whole self – as you once were – then the only thing stopping you is in your head. As an infant you’d spend hours and days staring at your parts and squealing with delight when you discovered what they could do.
While visiting my niece and her 3 very little daughters, a song broke out during lunch. One of them had just used the potty for the first time. It was playful, joyous and exuberant. Dad got a phone call at work, and he took it, interrupting a meeting. This was big news. It was thrilling.
Your life can be thrilling too. You don’t need anyone else to tell you how amazing you are. Unless you know yourself, you won’t believe them anyway.
So what are you afraid of? Which N O T is stopping you? NOT deserving? NOT good enough? NOT strong enough? NOT smart enough? NOT beautiful enough? NOT lucky enough? NOT funny enough? NOT rich enough? NOT caring enough? NOT happy enough? These things are in your head.
It is not your head that we are aiming for here – it is your heart. It is there where love is found, and it turns out that right now it’s beating. You are alive and you have everything you need to love yourself. “N O and T” be damned.
You are here now to love. You’ve had the odds stacked against you and you haven’t been told the truth. Your fears are based on circumstances that seem beyond your control. What you weren’t told is that you hold the power to change how all of it feels. By letting go. With trust.
It doesn’t matter what you are afraid of – it matters that you move right on past it. Not because of some Hallmark holiday, but because your life depends on it. This is the only life you are living. Right now. This is it. There may very well be assorted other dimensions and parts of you – yet right here and now this version could sure use a hand. The love you are aching for is within.
That means it is within reach. You don’t have to look for it. You have to allow it to emerge. A little encouragement will yield surprising results.
You see, we are all eager for an opening, a chance to feel better, and a moment of “YES!” I heard the results of a survey today. It was about “what women want most for Valentines Day”. They were unexpected. What is wanted most, at least according to this survey, is “a kiss goodbye, acknowledgement, and attention”. Once you come out of that fearful, NOT good enough cloud, you’ll see. We all want love. The people in your life will benefit without even knowing the reason was Agape. All you did was love yourself.
The world changes one heart at a time. Oneness emerges from Agape.
Release your fears and love yourself anyway. I don’t know if there will be body enhancing technology or unlimited abundance available anytime soon, but I do know that right now you have the capacity to do this. The worst has already happened, so no worries there. It’s time to move in another direction. This one is where you leap out of bed in the morning ready for another chance to love.
Accept yourself. Allow yourself. Be yourself.
You are the one you’ve been waiting for.
See you tomorrow.
Anna Nalick - Breathe
So, stuff may be coming up, lots of stuff. This is stuff that has been swept under the rug and remained there for years. You are re-decorating now and someone has moved the rug. There is nothing nearby to cover it with. You’ll have to deal with it in a new way.
When my children were very young and in the midst of a creative project, inevitably something would go wrong. Some would call this a mistake – but after a few tears were shed, we’d consider it an opportunity, a chance to do things differently, to try something unexpected. Nothing was ever “ruined”. Yet many pictures and projects drastically changed.
It can be sort of shocking and awkward to see parts of yourself you’ve been hiding from. You’ve spent a lifetime painting a portrait of yourself as an attempt to fit. You got so good at it you believed it yourself. It was the acceptable you, the “good” you, the respectable you. This version almost fit into that round opening, but not quite. You are more of a square peg than a round one.
Who said pegs have to be round anyway? Perhaps what’s been the problem is the place you were trying to fit into, not the shape of you. Perhaps standardizing a human in any circumstance is quite absurd. Just maybe you are okay as is – no adjustment necessary.
To live in Agape you will have to accept yourself as is, not adjust yourself until you are acceptable. That’s the difference between self love and self loathing. There really is nothing wrong with you.
If you’d like to change something, do so because you love yourself, not because you hate yourself. The energy of love is expansive, creative and world changing. The energy of hate is constricting, limiting and ultimately damaging.
We are here to learn this. It is my understanding that as soon as one of us truly, completely and without condition loves themselves – we’ll all do it. The hundredth monkey.
We exist in a circle of creation. We are One. It starts and ends with One. It starts and ends with you. All serve One. One serves all. It is a perfect circle. Pay attention to your current perspective; your view from your point on the wheel – your POV.
Everything that yields an emotional response has done so because of a belief. It is those beliefs we are looking at now, on this Quest, during this week of Love. Do they enhance or restrict self love? Are you empowered with them in your tool kit? If not, and if Agape is your goal, you will need to alter them. This is re-training at your core.
You have a brain full of knee-jerk emotional responses. There is help available for altering them if they are not taking you to Agape. There are sort of How-to-Guides for loving yourself. Two books were just shared with me recently. They are short, easy to read and to follow. They have received a good deal of accolades.
“How Quantum Physicists build New Beliefs” by Greg Kuhn
“Love Yourself like your life depends on it” by Kamal Ravikant
Your social media is calling, attempting to help you feel better. This won’t change anything until you believe you are worthy of love. I like both of these approaches because they start wherever you happen to be and call for a gentle uphill progression to Joy. We are all trying to get there and are breaking our accounts with forwards and tweets to help each other; evidence of the epidemic of self-loathing.
So the next time you notice something that slipped out from under that old rug – look right at it, fearlessly. It’s you and it’s not going to hide any longer. May as well get used to it. Once you accept it, you will learn to love it. Then you can begin work on constructing some square openings to fit into. We’d all appreciate it and will be right there with you, looking for a place to fit ourselves.
We are the ones we are waiting for.
See you tomorrow.
Love Quest : Day 2 - the cabin
You’ve reached a critical moment for yourself. There are parts of you eating away at your core. You’ve been unaware of them until now. Why now? Because you’ve upgraded and improved. In order for the new stuff to stand strong and to last, anything that doesn’t support it – works to dismantle it.
Our family owns property in the mountains and on it has always stood what we affectionately called “the cabin”. It was little more than a tar paper shack with an outhouse. Five years ago we tore it down. In its place now stands a double-wide trailer complete with steps and a deck we built ourselves. There is even a bathroom that uses water from the stream running down the mountain. It’s beautiful.
Four years ago something began eating the steps and the deck, an unwelcome surprise. My nephew pulled in late one night and discovered the culprits – porcupines. We’d unknowingly built them a banquet of treated wood. They were ecstatic and aggressive and voracious.
Now, we could shoot them but there were lots of them, they were multiplying, and for sure they’d show up to continue the feast. We tried everything. We ended up in a compromise – an electric barrier surrounding all wooden structures attached to the cabin. It doesn’t hurt them but keeps them away from our steps.
It’s not that these critters had just arrived; they’d been there for years. We only noticed them when they threatened to destroy something we had just built, something new and better.
The stuff coming up now in your life, whether emotions or situations, is not new. You are stretching, growing wings, becoming a newer, lovelier version. These things, whatever they are, don’t support this new you. They were fine before, when Agape was not on the radar. Oh, you felt them – little jabs at your self esteem, dings at your self worth and reductions of your self value – but they were par for the course and passed quickly, soon forgotten. You barely noticed them.
Today, they seem to be center stage with a neon sign announcing their arrival. You can’t miss them. You will have to do something about them, to prevent them from destroying this new you.
For a long time they’ve comfortably travelled the same path you did – much like the porcupines. Today you are on the path to Agape. They remain doggedly on their route to self-doubt. In order to prevent a disruption in your journey you’ll have to dig deep – create such a well worn emotional path that it’s the first place your feelings drop into.
The other path exists and is eagerly travelled by “not good enough”, “have to”, “too slow”, “not ______(fill in the blank with your favorite)”. You can still see it, but it’s not your chosen route. This new, shiny, upgraded path has been reinforced and is deeply lined with truth. It’s a stronger road and becomes more-so with use. Plaques line its walls, saying things like: “You are perfect where you stand.” “I love you without exception.” “Under any condition and in every instance you are loved.”
At first it feels weird to walk there, and a little uncomfortable. Persevere, it’s a faster trip and the accommodations are better.
It took a long time for the porcupines to find our steps and destroy them. We were caught off guard and unprepared. You don’t have to be.
Create a well worn path of self acceptance. When you somehow fall onto that old familiar self defeating road, make a quick exit. Remember where you are going. The old road won’t take you there.
You are every inch the being of perfection you may have expected to instantly morph into about a year ago. Self hatred blinds you to this truth. Love yourself and watch you show up. She’ll be everything you dream of. He’ll be all you imagine. You’ll see.
You are the one you are waiting for.
See you tomorrow.
Meet yourself in the Mirror
In April of 2013, the “final” Love Quest was completed. Agape was found and that was the whole point.
Almost a year later, we are in much the same place. On some levels there is massive change, yet inside, maybe not so much. Yes, the world is taking on a different hue and what is clear now is that regardless of what it looks like to anyone else; it is only about you. As you look around, you see all your feelings reflected.
These things are not mistakes; they are attributes of your inner beliefs reflected back for your consideration.
You have reached a point in your awareness which incorporates self love or its opposite – self loathing. You must choose. Together we’ll take this a step further. We’ll explore living in Agape.
We will know the choice we make in each instance by focusing on our feelings. They are our messengers and have always been. We’ve gone through so much; altered the course of humanity with our love, light and determination. So, is this as good as it gets? Understand that this may be as good as it is right now, yet it is by no means as good as it gets. You’ve been unable to eradicate this self hatred you carry. It cannot co-exist with Agape. There have been others who came to remind you to love yourself. They only stayed until the self-hatred forced them out of sight.
The self control you hold onto so tightly stifles free expression. In your efforts to remain secure you’ve built a prison. You can’t escape now without busting down the walls. You’ll need some heavy tools.
You consider these tools dangerous. They include not knowing, allowing, permitting, releasing, letting go and going your own way.
You do not know what you want and as a result never get there. It’s all just preference. Pick something. Make it a priority. Watch what happens. It could be anything. Give yourself what you want without explanation. Participate in the re-definition of your future. Focus there. You cannot get to a new place on a dead end street. You may have to turn around.
You didn’t come here to depend on someone to do it for you. It doesn’t matter how very lost you are. You came to figure out how to do it yourself.
Once you are clear on who you are – you will have to decide that whoever that is, he or she is okay. Fine even. Maybe she’s fantastic. Perhaps he’s brilliant. Your life will change then. You will feel satisfaction because you’ll have finally shown yourself love.
So pick a place that you enjoy and live there. Let the rest be damned. They’ll get along fine without you. Let them. More to the point, allow yourself. It’s okay. You can love yourself. This is not about leaving people. This is about finding yourself. There is a very real difference. If you have been lost, you will understand the distinction.
This is what it’ll take to bust down those walls. It’ll take bravery and gentle precision as you handle these new tools. Keep your eyes on the prize and focus. Waiting for you is freedom and acceptance; love without exception or condition. We’ll get there. We are the ones we are waiting for.
See you tomorrow.
Love Don't Die