love quest day 5
It is our fifth day. Love yourself. It sounds like a simple thing, doesn’t it? If it were, most of us would be there. Like riding a bike.
We learned about bike riding and self love around the same time. We were very young. When learning both, there was this gentle period of acclimation where someone – mom, dad, big brother, big sister, uncle or aunt – held you until the right moment. It was that moment when you were on your own. Your balance, speed and success were each self determined. You were heading out into the world – solo.
What you gleaned from the lessons they gave very much decided how you approached both self love and bike riding. Did they hold on a little too long out of fear? Did they push you away too soon? How they reflected both for you is evidenced in your style. We are associative beings. We watch, listen and decide for ourselves what will work. Typically, we mimic. It is time for a new approach. We are all grown up now. We no longer “need” to be held; although some days it feels like that. On those days we comfort ourselves with any one of our addictions. We may blame someone for cutting off our supply, self-medicate or decide to be stoic. Each approach ends with a hollow spot. This is not Agape (self-love).
It can be scary to decide to love anyway. Despite what you may have learned from your elders or any internal objection – you are absolutely lovable. There is no fear in self-love. You don’t need make up, great abs or a large bank account. Whatever you have right now is enough. You hold a spark of eternity. You are love embodied. Today.
There is no fault that separates you from being worthy of this love. Its discovery is sort of like that moment when you realize no one is holding on to the bike (or to you) and you are moving on your own; shocking and thrilling all at once. When it happened for me, I opened my mouth to yell with joy and a bug flew in. Not what I expected and sort of gross. I kept on riding.
The thing is, you can keep going with your mouth shut worried about the bug possibility or you can keep going screaming with joy anyway. Both will get you there. One way sounds like fun; the other sounds like work.
I don’t know about you, but I’ve got enough to do. I’m not looking to give myself any more jobs. Self-love is not something you have to earn. It is free and equally available. No one else is counting how much you take or worrying about you getting theirs. No one is keeping score. You are the only one who actually knows how much you’ve got.
Sometimes you see people and they arrive full out. Nothing is missing with them and as a result they expect nothing from you. They are not asking you to support their anxiety or fill up their empty spots. They are present. Whether you like them or not, you can’t help but appreciate their lack of dependence. It is refreshing.
Agape is not something that was on the to-do list of those who came before us. If you were shown how to love yourself as a child, you are quite fortunate. If not, doing so now will bring up all sorts of anxiety. It will feel “wrong”. It is not. It is just different.
You are okay, all by yourself. You are good enough to shower with love. Treat yourself tenderly, this is new ground and you may want training wheels. Go ahead, be good to yourself. Give yourself whatever you need. Smile. This is one thing you have to do alone. It is time.
You are the One you’ve been waiting for.
See you tomorrow.
Check out the drawing for this week!
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