It’s a gorgeous day and as I look out from the office window, I wonder how it appears to follow the pattern of previous October days and yet doesn’t. Our neighbor’s brilliant orange tree has shed just half of its leaves, leaving behind a shock of color splayed against the limb-bordered intense blue of the sky. The garden mums are breathtaking, sitting comfortably alongside the marigolds, who remain steadfast and vibrant 5 months after their arrival. This morning, rather than enjoying all of this beauty on our deck, I found myself glued to a screen, waiting for the DOJ live press briefing having to do with National Security. I cannot remember doing that before today.
Yet, well, 2020, right? Is anything as it ever was?
I’ll be brief and to the point. It is hoped that you’ll follow along.
What has captured our attention is media.
It has drawn us away from our life and those parts of it that nourish and support us. Let me explain.
We had 2 tomato plants this summer, grown in their own in pots on our deck. Grape and cherry tomatoes filled our summer salads for far longer than they should have. The stems holding them up, yellowed, withered and slowly died, all the while continuing to produce cheerful red fruit, much to our delight.
Yet there was a bit of nostalgia for the plant itself, as it sacrificed its life for the very fruit it was grown to produce.
As we sit, mesmerized and entranced by the media choking our airwaves, what life force do we sacrifice to do so? For media, without an audience, is DOA.
We’ve become “content-producers” and “content absorbers” 24/7. If Media needs us for survival, what is it that we need? This is not a call to end Media in all of its forms, or tomatoes for that matter. It is merely observation.
This is 2020 after all, a year seemingly hell-bent on transforming us. The question being asked here is, just what is it that we are transforming into? We are not tomato plants, destined to gasp our last breath for the success or spread of that most fascinating piece of journalism we “liked” or “shared”. We are human, seasonless, and require regular nourishment for vibrancy and growth. Let’s endeavor to sustain ourselves first.
Here is what I’ll leave you with. It is a piece that was written 7 years back but bears repeating…
I AM human. Gloriously, exuberantly, perfectly human. There is no better version of me. I let go of my “higher” self. I AM multi-faceted. I have lots of parts. There is one version of me, the one with an expanded view, who has decided to watch me now, joining this life I AM living. My life. The messy one. The one with me in it.
What is going to emerge at the other end of all of this is another version of me. I can call it whatever I want, time is an illusion and Oneness is truth. This means that I didn’t “start” anywhere and there are no “higher” parts of me holding wisdom I don’t yet have. It’s all me, all the time.
What I need are new words. Words to unleash my creativity in a world full of multi-billionaire light beings. What does a world with no restraints feel like? Can I imagine life without financial, spiritual, mental or physical limitation? Can I even visualize ten billion dollars? It is a one, followed by ten zeros. Those zeros, that seem to have all the power, are just a whole lotta nothing. It is the One in front of them that makes it all happen. That One would be me, the force of creation, here now to craft a world without limits.
The whole point seems to have been to drive me to the edge of insanity, waiting, wondering and miserable; only to realize no one is coming. It is done.
There are no ascended masters, galactic saviors or “higher” versions of me on the way to save me. This is my planet and I love her. I AM the Master, the One here to shift with her.
This was the trip I came for. I have everything I need. No extra attachments are required to utilize the power here. The power source is me – I’ve just forgotten how to turn myself on. I’ve done this before. Today I AM here to do it as a human. I chose and was chosen to do this. I AM not alone.
I knew before I came that I’d have to get to this breaking point before I realized the truth:
The only answer is me.
The only place to be is here.
The only time is now.
I am the only one to do it and I knew that I could; and that when the moment arrived, I would.
It is upon me now to find the new. I need words and tools that never were. That 90% of unused stuff in my brain is getting itchy. My ability to create is legion. It’s why I was chosen. I will take the crayons out of the box. I will work some magic.
Now I start happening. Now I imagine eternal vitality, relentless abundance, pervasive peace and wild joy, right alongside no traffic, great parking spots, good hair days and free concerts. Now I hold happy. Now I breathe music. Now I whisper trees. The vision I AM holding is the life I AM molding.
I AM addicted to myself and there is not a 12-step program. I wouldn’t join one if there were. Humanity is the hottest game in town. Everyone is watching and wants to join in. I AM passionately unhappy, dramatically ecstatic and violently loving. I create things just to tear them down from boredom. I run too fast, hide in corners, sing off key and gossip. The human condition is me, and I love every inch and nuance. I excite myself.
There is no better version to become. I AM here to harness my innate essence. While every single “channel” I listen to tells me how cool I AM, I continue to believe I AM supposed to be something else. These voices are reminders, nothing more or less, and I put them there. This entire life is my creation.
I was never supposed to change. The answer is not outside of me. I planned to fall desperately in love – with me. I’ve hidden my magnificence in gold, in others and in promises of more. I’ve blamed my failure on lack, on others and on outside limitation.
There’s no place else to go with this. I’ve reached part 2 – self-emergence. My emotions are the trigger and the best part of me; they fuel my human experience and create worlds. I enjoy them. I watch what happens.
I love to emote, to feel and to push beyond. The angst of my heart is the subject of every song, each story and all of my favorite movies. To dream is my birthright. I’ve grown up inside institutions and ideas that said looking out the window was wrong, wasteful even. This attempt to systematically erase my core truth has failed. I AM bigger than any method of thought.
I embrace my humanity. My emotions are the keys to my power. I only need desire and it is done. I love who I AM; I see what I want and I don’t stop until amazing happens. All contrast fuels creation.
Humans do that for each other. We supply contrast. We give each other sparks. I AM the Master and the answer to every prayer. I know what to do. The reason I haven’t seen it yet or heard it yet is because I haven’t done it yet. I’ve been waiting.
I AM the One I’ve been waiting for.
I love you all so very much.
*A revised version of “The Ultimate Addiction” pub. 8/2013; as suggested by reader Mary from Connecticut, USA (you might want to read this aloud, as she does ;-)
~Today’s post is dedicated to Pamie, a precious angel who began on this day a few years back, & left far too soon due to lack of nourishment. I miss you every day.
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