Marching along the green grass before me is the gaggle of geese, the lame one hopping and fluttering in their midst, while that huge white bird dives again and again into the water, beneath the hawk circling high overhead – it’s dinnertime on my last day here. It’s as if they’ve all shown up to say goodbye.
Next week school begins. I will miss this beautiful lake, tucked in between the suburbs. Minnow buckets and fishing poles remind me from where I came. This is a part of me I’ll keep.
We are being asked to let go. As I sit here I wonder if there is something else I should be doing, because frankly I don’t get it. The advent of school begins a four month countdown until 12.21.12. Four months! We’ve finished 2/3 of this pivotal year.
Is it possible there is something I missed? It feels right in front of me, yet not. An hour has passed since I got to the lake today. How can that be? Did I fall asleep? I’m consistently tired, and yet there are times I can’t sleep at all. My internal motor turned on again today and now I am humming. There are sparkles of energy shooting up and down my limbs.
I read about the necessity of chakra activations and third eye openings and I don’t connect with any of it. What’s happening for me is organic and without a name. I feel it yet I have no words to adequately define it. I cannot in good conscience tell you what you will experience or how. I can only tell you to trust that you will.
These definitions and deadlines and processes we are reading about are all subjective. I’m coming to disbelieve in dates. Now, I have children and obligations so I must therefore pay attention to the calendar and the clock, but it is a challenge.
As we move toward Oneness I find each definition and name more divisive than helpful. If this process is anything at all it is internal. I guess I am letting go – releasing my stranglehold on perfection and blame.
That’s not to say it’s gone – lately I notice opinions in every corner of my psyche. It would seem my ego is not happy about the idea of moving on – she has filled my head with doubt and judgment.
Homemade bread, peach cobbler and a rich stew fill my house with delicious aromas – I cook when I feel uncertain. Something about the smell and sight of freshly prepared food settles me. Perhaps I’m looking for home.
This accelerated passage of time creates a sense of being late to the party. It’s illusory – there will come a moment of “no time” to make and “no other” to judge. I can feel this happening already.
We chose this. When the energy of ascension or whatever you are calling it overwhelms you, remember this was a ride you stood in line a long time to get on. It’s an amazing trip, one you’ll never forget. This lake and these birds are part of the landscape and forever imprinted on my mind. I am so grateful for them.
Another hour has passed. The birds here have settled in for the night and I will do the same soon. With all the symptoms, energies and changes – we are human; sparks of divinity poking at us from the inside, faster and faster now, just itching to be free.
Maybe it’s not time that’s moving faster. Perhaps it’s us. We’ve waited for so long for this freedom to be ours and we can sense it getting closer. These symptoms are nothing more than us – straining at the bonds of density, pulling us up towards the light that we are.
We are the ones we are waiting for.
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